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Fatherly Wit and Wisdom

On Sunday, June 16, 2013, we celebrate a very special day for that special guy in our lives. Come join us as we take a humorous look at fathers—their wit, wisdom, and parenting woes.

Props and Preps

  • Print a copy of the complete activity below for the facilitator to present.
  • You may wish to make large print copies of the jokes and funny one-liners for participants to take turns reading aloud.
  • For added fun, ask everyone to put on his or her wackiest tie or scarf to wear to the activity. (Every man has been gifted with at least one wacky tie and every woman at least one tacky scarf.)

 

 

 


Heeere’s Bill

Without a doubt, Bill Cosby is one of the world’s funniest fathers. He has entertained us for decades with his hilarious (but oh, so true) remarks about the trials and tribulations of marriage, parenthood, and life in general. Here are a few of those remarks to get the laughter started.

  • Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
  • Human beings are the only creatures on Earth that allow their children to come back home.
  • I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
  • Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
  • My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, "You know, I brought you into this world, I'll take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you."
  • A grandchild is God’s reward for raising a child.
  • Every father says the same thing: "Where's your mother?"
  • I was a physical education major with a child psychology minor at Temple, which means if you ask me a question about a child's behavior, I will advise you to tell the child to take a lap.
  • You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
  • Parents are not interested in justice; they’re interested in peace and quiet.

Dad Jokes

While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember—run to Dad first, then the dog.”
~ by Karla J. Kasper

* * * * * *

My 16-year-old brother, Ryan, was out late with friends one night. Suddenly he realized it was Father’s Day and he had neglected to buy a card for our dad. After much searching, Ryan located an open store, but was disappointed to find only two cards left on a picked-over rack. Selecting one, he brought it home and, somewhat sheepishly, presented it to our father.

Upon opening it, Dad read this message: “You’ve been like a father to me.” He looked at Ryan, puzzled.

“Well, Dad,” Ryan tried to explain, “it was either that or the card that said, ‘Now that I’m a father too!’”
~ by Anne Carlson

* * * * * *

A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.

“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

“ …Which bus would I take home?” ~ Ghoulson D.G.

* * * * * *

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" ~ Author Unknown

* * * * * *

I was packing for my business trip and my three-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers,” pretending to eat them. I went back to packing, looked up again, and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, “What’s wrong, honey?” She replied, “What happened to my booger?” ~ Author Unknown

Dad Wisdom

Read aloud and ask participants to guess the missing word.

  • Growing old is inevitable; growing up is ______. (optional)
  • Raising a teenager is like nailing ______ to a tree! (Jell-O)
  • Sweater: a garment worn by a child when a mother feels ______. (chilly)
  • A father carries pictures where his ______ used to be. (money)
  • Father’s Day brings out my paternal instincts. An hour of ______ takes them away. (babysitting)
  • You can tell it’s almost Father’s Day. The kids suddenly want to stop at all the ______. (garage sales)
  • Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Ask him for _______. (advice)

Dads Still Say

  • Because I said so.
  • Go ask your mother.
  • Don’t make me stop this car!
  • Were you raised in a barn?
  • You don’t know what hard work is.
  • Money doesn’t grow on trees.
  • A little bit of dirt never killed anyone.
  • When I was your age…

Additional Activities

  1. Enjoy this YouTube video of a Bill Cosby routine on raising children.
  2. Check your local library for a copy of the book Fatherhood and read selected excerpts from the book to the group.
  3. Ask participants to recollect some of the “words of wisdom” passed down from generation to generation in their family.
  4. Bring in some humorous Father’s Day cards to read to the group.

Humor: Jest for the Health of It: 4 CE Hours

$19.95

Humor: Jest for the Health of It: 4 CE Hours

This course is approved by both the NCCAP and the NAAPCC for 4 CE Hours. Humor is good for you, no matter your age. However, as Activity Directors, we often shy away from humor – thinking it is too silly, not “adult appropriate,” or that it might offend. Perhaps we feel uncomfortable presenting humor...